Telemarketers Suck Donkey Balls

I hate our landline. I would get rid of it if it weren’t for Brinks requiring it for our alarm system. Whenever the phone rings, I scream profanities, because I know it is nobody I want to talk to. Because of my husband’s job though, we have to leave the volume on in case anyone needs him 24/7. GAG.

Now I rarely answer the damn thing, but this particular number (cough) 707-200-7673 (cough) has been bugging the hell out of me. They call every.single.fucking.day. I was feeling especially saucy the other day and decided to answer the phone when I saw their number on the caller ID. What the hell was I thinking? I know what I was thinking (and this is why I try not to think anymore than absolutely necessary). I thought that I would just tell the fella’ to put me on his “Do Not Call” list.

Every single time that I have asked to be put on this list in the past, they immediately stop talking and say, “okay ma’am”. {don’t call me “ma’am” bitch}. They can actually call me whatever they want as long as they do it all the way to putting me on that list as quick as humanly possible.

Where was I. Oh yeah. The idiot who called me.

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Him: {after determining that I lived here}, “Let me start off by saying that I am not selling anything”.
Me: Uh huh.
Him: Do you know how much your energy costs? There is a way to lower your ene…
Me: Please put me on your do-not-call list
Him: blah blah blah blah
Me: Put me on your do-not-call-list
Him: You are TALKING OVER ME AND NOT LISTENING!
Me: You are TALKING OVER ME – PUT ME ON YOUR DO-NOT-CALL-LIST
Him: Still blathering on and on

At this point we were just yelling at each other. I was getting pissed because they aren’t supposed to continue after you request this. But he did. Oh how he did.

Me: Put me on your damned do-not-call list, pretty please, with fucking sugar on top.
Him: I will put you on our do-not-call list, but first I am going to ask you a couple of questions. So your ener…
Me: You NEED to put me on your list!!
Him: I don’t NEED to do anything!
Me: FUCK YOU BASTARD!

And I hung up.

Dick.

I tried to go on the FTC website to update my information for the National Do-Not-Call Registry but of course the whole fucking government is shut down currently, so yeah, no, I couldn’t do that.

Fuck me.

Have you encountered a douche-bag telemarketer? Any good ideas to get rid of them?

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