The 3 cent stamp and a clueless millennial

Our 23 year old daughter is an extremely bright, witty and charming child (young adult, millennial, whatever). She lives with my husband and I, as she is attending college and is a pre-med student. Hooray! I often tell her to stop aiming so damn high- it’s expensive AF! But back to my story about the 3 cent stamp. A story that left me (and still leaves me) baffled, bewildered and befuddled. Is that how the song goes? Although at the time It sure felt like I was being bamboozled, beguiled and bullshitted.

As I stumbled down the stairs the other morning (no, I mean I literally stumbled. The jackass cat likes to sit on the bottom stair and right as my foot is in mid air to step around him he moves. Every.single.time…jerk). So I for real stumbled down the stairs and I noticed an envelope next to the front door. That’s where I usually leave the rare piece of outgoing mail for my husband to mail on his way to work. The only thing was… I didn’t put any mail there! Duh duh duh!

Upon closer inspection I see that my daughter was mailing something. How adorable!! She had written the address AND return address in a somewhat correct format, and up in the right hand corner of the envelope she had not only FOUND a stamp, but she had put it in the correct loca….wait. WTF?

3 cent stamps

The stamp on the envelope looked weird. That’s because it was a 3 cent stamp. Well I had a lot of questions. But she was still sleeping. It must have been an oversight. I waited for her to wake up (like any good mother would do), although I wanted to chuck a shoe across her room to make a little noise, but I didn’t. I vacuumed the living room instead.

 

When she finally awoke on her own, I approached her {cautiously}, and here is how our conversation went down:

Me: Mornin’ Sunshine. You have some mail going out?
Daughter: Mmmm hmmm
Me: Did you know that you only have a 3 cent stamp on it?
Daughter: Yeah
Me: (Silence)
Daughter: (Staring at me)
Me: Well it costs much more than 3 cents to mail a letter
Daughter: Like how much?
Me: Well I don’t even know anymore – somewhere around 50 cents by now I guess, but there are forever stamps in the drawer, just put one of those on the envelope and it will cover the cost of a regular letter forever. Neat, huh?
Daughter: Well then why do we have 3 cent stamps?
Me: (thinking to myself, ‘Oh gawddd this poor child. And poor me. This just turned into a whole thing. How could she not know this?? Did she really think a 3 cent stamp would work??’).
Me out loud: Well because we didn’t always have forever stamps. Stamps used to have a set price…say like 32 cents.
Daughter: And so… why do we have 3 cent stamps in our drawer?
Me: Hold on. I’m getting there.
Daughter: (Big sigh).
Me: (She really doesn’t give a shit – I can just tell. But she NEEDS to know this stuff. What kind of mother would I be if I let her go through life not knowing how the whole frustrating stamp system used to work?)
Me again: So years and years ago, stamps were one price. The prices started increasing 2 or 3 cents every year or so, which was a pain in the ass. So if the price went up say 3 cents, the post office would sell 3 cent stamps too and so you’d put a regular stamp PLUS a 3 cent stamp on your envelope to equal the new stamp price.
Daughter: That’s really lame
Me: I know! And so the lines at the post office were always REALLY long for a few days while everybody bought the 3 cent stamps.
Daughter: you should have bought them onli…oh right (eye roll)
Me: Imagine what it was like over the course of a few years! We had a drawer full of every stamp denomination imaginable, because there were always leftovers from years before when prices increased. It was never ending!
Daughter: That’s stupid
Me: And that, my friend, is why we have 3 cent stamps in the drawer. If you dig a little deeper I guarantee you will also find some 1 cent, 2 cent, and other oddball cent stamps too.
Daughter: Good thing you caught that mom
Me: Yep. And you’re welcome.
Daughter: (Eyeroll)

How did she not know all of this?

We didn’t always have it easier back in our day…

I was curious, so a little bit ago, I looked in the drawer (because she truly just doesn’t care enough to take a gander), and lookie what I found in there:

1 cent stamps

I knew it!

Do you have any old stamps hanging around, or is it just me? Please don’t say it’s just me!

Do you wash your hands?

My hands are raw. People are dirty. This virus is annoying as hell. Can it just go away already? I’ve been staying home like I’m supposed to, I’ve been sneezing into my elbow {frickin’ gross, and even grosser {is that a word?} is watching someone else do it}. I have used hand sanitizer by the buckets {by the way – that shit is like gold right now}, and most importantly I have been washing my hands. A lot. So much so in fact that even my knuckles feel like the toughest grit sandpaper. Here’s the thing. I am SO over this bullshit and so I’m going to need you need to cooperate too. I have a question for you…do you wash your hands as often as you should?

Please wash your hands!

Wash your hands

For the love of God…I beg of you…wash your damned hands. Use hand sanitizer. Most of all use common sense! I have learned that most people simply don’t have it. Case in point {and this is just one}. A trip to the grocery store a couple of weeks ago.

The six foot rule

The blue tape was on the floor, every six feet, leading up to the checkout stand. There was a couple at the register, a dude in front of me, and I was behind him on the third strip of blue tape. The dude in front of me was so restless, and ironically enough is the one who was lacking common sense. It was like he had ants in his pants. He and his cart were all the way in front of the line and before the people at the register were even done checking out he managed to shimmy his way up to the conveyor belt and was unloading his crap. I’m sure the expression on my face said it all {it said, “Dude, just wait a damn minute!”}. I can’t take the stupidity any more. Wash your hands bitches, so we can get this ridiculousness over with! If you feel a little foolish singing the Happy Birthday song over and over again, use this neat little tool that will help you create your own 20 second silly version of your favorite song. You can use it to wash your hands (and have fun while doing it!).

You’re not the boss of me

Listen, I have played by the rules for a long time now. I have stayed home for days on end. Did you hear that? I have spent one longggg monotonous day after another at home. Why? Because I was told to stay home. I don’t like to be told what to do, so you must understand that this is a really big deal to me. I even have a supply of masks that nice people have made for my family. I am wearing masks! I’m not fond of either of the above, but I’m doing them both for mankind, and because I want to help flatten the proverbial curve {there’s a term I hope I never have to hear again in my lifetime}.  I am, however, starting to  lose my proverbial sh*t. So…please wash your hands bitches.

wash your hands with soap

Wash, rinse, repeat

Sure at first it seemed like staying at home would be okay. I was all fired up to get some things done around the house. I was really productive the first couple of weeks {mostly out of sheer boredom}. I organized the hell out of a couple of hall closets. I NEVER would have given them so much time or attention normally. I have to admit though, my closets are pretty badass. I bought these little hooks online and everything now has a place on a hook. Exciting stuff, huh?

I’ve done some gardening, lots of cleaning, lots of muttering profanities. Every day, I do more gardening, cleaning, and oh yeah, cooking. Wash, rinse and repeat. I.AM.BORED.OUT.OF.MY.MIND.  Can we please reopen the universe now?

Please wash your hands.

Love,
Me

Think twice before calling someone your BFF

Why do people feel the need to label someone “best friend” “BFF” or “Bestie”? I hate these terms with a passion, and I’ll tell you why.

I’ll admit, it feels nice when someone calls you their BFF. That is until you hear them address their other friends the same way. Wait…what? Why? Feelings can definitely get hurt over this. So much for that special feeling of being somebody’s BFF!

When you call someone your best friend, you are telling that person that you have other friends too, but none as special as him or her. It means something {or it should at least}.

don't call friends BFF

I have run into this several times recently and I get more and more annoyed each time. I tend to not call people my BFF, best friend, bestie or boo. Many friends are fair weather friends, so I try to keep my friends as just that…friends. Sure, I enjoy the company of some of them more than others, but they are all very dear to me.

I became close with a newer friend a couple of years ago, and it kind of made me happy when she said casually that I was her BFF. We enjoy each other so much. We “get” each other and have revealed personal secrets, we have laughed hysterically, and I can be myself around her. Imagine my surprise when she said on a Facebook post, that her BFF sent her flowers for her birthday! There was a photo of the flowers in her office and she was all smiles. They were lovely, but I didn’t send them. Hmmm, did she think I sent them? No, she has several BFFs apparently. I wish I had known that sooner. It isn’t a huge deal or deal breaker for me, but it does sting a little.

I have two other friends, both of whom I became quite close with over the years. One moved away, and the other friend and I hung out a lot. We had so much fun together, and although I knew I wasn’t her “bestie”, I knew I was special. Flip forward a couple of years and now the other two friends are “besties”. This is all fine with me, BUT when the three of us are out together, I think it’s rude when one of them introduces the other to someone, and calls her “bestie”. So I sit there feeling a bit stupid, frankly, as I am introduced as “my other friend”. Wow. Do they not know that this is hurtful and embarrassing? And using the term every now and them…okay, but it is all of the time, and it is just tiresome. I don’t get why their spouses don’t speak up when they witness this, and say to their wives privately, “Hey, you know that is kind of rude, since you were also close with _____”.

Don’t throw these words around…just don’t. Why can’t we just all be “friends”. Inside, you might prefer one friend over another, but keep that to yourself! Just enjoy your friends!!

All of the names that indicate someone is a BFF, just makes my skin crawl these days.

Oh, and it’s kind of juvenile too, especially for our age group.

Rant over!

Wow…after re-reading this, I sound more jealous than anything else. I’m really not – it’s the principle of the damn thing {and I am BIG on principle}.

Let’s not be politically correct, shall we?

I miss the good old days. The days when you could say whatever you wanted and nobody would blink an eye. Sure some folks might take offense when an “unacceptable” term was used, but most didn’t consider just about every word in the English language to be offensive.

What has this world come to that we have to think long and hard before uttering a word? Do people have nothing better to do with their time than to prey on unsuspecting “talkers”?

Words that are considered to be politically incorrect:

In modern versions of the song “Three Little Indians” taught to young children these days, “three little indians” is being replaced with “three little teddy bears” or “three little soldiers”. Really?

I am very short..like 5’2. But do I get offended when someone uses the term “shrimp” in every day conversation? No, I do not. Actually it just makes me hungry. I’m okay with vertically challenged, just for the record. If someone called me a midget (actually some friends of mine do), I wouldn’t take offense, only because I am not really a “little person”. Oh boy, this is all so confusing. If I were a “little person” and was called a midget, I would sucker punch that person right in the…balls.  Oh wait, is “balls” politically incorrect?

I can see some words that would actually be offensive, like retarded. I don’t use this word, as I have a tremendous amount of compassion for anyone who takes care of another who is mentally handicapped (I hope this is the right term?), or any disabilities, really.

Then of course, there are the ethnic/racial words. I DO know which words not to use, but I also DO get confused on what is acceptable from day to day. Asian American, African American, etc. What about Caucasian American? I really don’t like how divided we are. We are all JUST Americans. Unless said person lives in another country…but I don’t know what the “rules” are other places. Again, this all makes my head spin, and wanting to stab myself in the nugget with an ice pick.

politically correct, are you,offensive words

Some other politically correct words and phrases I have heard lately (and some absolutely kill me) are:

Hymenally challenged. YUP – you guessed it. It means those who are not virgins I guess. Why don’t we just say “virgin” or “not a virgin”? Or maybe hymenally challenged is better than calling someone a slut? I really don’t understand this one. I’m hymenally challenged – how about you?
Culinarily challenged. So instead of a husband saying that his wife’s food tastes like ass, it would be better to call her culinarily challenged. He had better learn to duck and dodge quickly, because I’ll bet she knows very well, how to use a cast iron skillet upside his head.
Person of Size. Because nobody will ever know that what you really mean is “lard ass”.
Living Impaired. It means…dead. Can we just say “dead” instead?
Thought Shower. When people come together to share ideas…because “brainstorm” is offensive to those who are mentally challenged apparently. My gawd…soon we won’t be able to use any words we have grown up with at all.
Fresh Person. Instead of Freshmen/Freshman. Oh c’mon!

To be politically correct, or not to be, that is the…oh fuck it.

Unruly kids and oblivious Parents

You know the type of parent that is completely oblivious when their kids are unruly, running amok, annoying other people, and are even possibly in danger?

They are great actors

I have no patience for those that make a habit out of ignoring their children. These same people usually assume that other people will watch out for their kids. And it’s kind of true I suppose…at least for me (when the child is doing something potentially dangerous – I can’t NOT keep an eye on him/her). But back to my point…

Unruly Children

They run.
They jump.
They scream.
They yell.

Which makes me want to scream and yell, and smack their parents upside the head.

In stores, they dart back and forth in front of my shopping cart. I cannot move. What I really want to do is “accidentally” run them over with my cart, but hey, it’s really not their fault. The fault lies with the mother (or father…but usually’s it is mom). I glance around trying to locate a parent, and I cannot locate one immediately upon further scanning, I spy with my little eye, someone who jut has to be the parent. This person is clear across in the produce section, nowhere near their child, and acting as if the child did not walk in the store with her and he/she does not belong to her.

The oblivious parent(s)

I will never understand how a parent can not only ignore what their children are doing, but that they don’t give two shits if their kids are bothering other people. I was always cognitive of this when my own were little. Hell, I figured if they were driving me insane, then they were DEFINITELY driving others inside. Not cool at all, so I quashed that behavior as soon as it began (or even before). Don’t even get me started on how easy it would be for a bad person to snatch these same kids up and take them. Although I’m sure they would be returned rather quickly. You chose to have children, so be fair to them, and keep an eagle eye on them.

Sure, shopping is a lot easier without the kids, but you CHOSE to bring your kids, so dammit, watch them! Christ.

unruly child

While pondering life’s many mysteries at a bus stop the other day (don’t judge), I witnessed a little boy, who was about 3 I guess. He also had a younger sibling in a nearby stroller. There was a huge fountain with a base full of water, and the little boy was leaning over the base, jumping on and off it and generally just making me nervous.

What was his mother doing? She had her back turned, and she was talking on her phone. Now call me silly, but you don’t take your eyes off of your kids at any time, but to have your back turned too, near water? I sat there dumbfounded, wanting to call the mother every name in the book: Bitch, Dumbass, Dingaling, A-hole, Moron, etc.

It always puts me in an awkward position when I see unattended kids. Do I say something? Well, shit, I don’t want to see any child hurt of course, but dammit, I have raised my kids and it isn’t my responsibility to carefully watch other people’s kids. My bus finally arrived and I assume that the kid was okay, but my blood was boiling.

I was in Michael’s a few weeks ago, and there was a little one, about 1 1/2 or 2, kind of standing/teetering in the front section of the cart. My first thought was, “Oh God, that child is going to fall out”. Now me personally, when my kids were little, I would have been holding their hand even when they were in the cart, as I looked at stuff. Before I even had a chance to catch my breath after witnessing this, the little one fell out of the cart, HARD, and hit his/her head on the floor and screamed bloody murder. You know what? I’ll bet the mother didn’t learn a damn thing from this. I imagine she STILL doesn’t pay attention to her kid at the store.

What the hell is wrong with people?!?! People – parent your kids!

Welcome to For Eff’s Sake!

Well for eff’s sake – how are you doing?

see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

You know all of the things you want to say on your own blog, but just cannot because friends, family, neighbors, teachers, employers all read it? Well worry no more! You can talk smack about them and they will never know it!

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