Category: Oh Hell No

Do you wash your hands?

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My hands are raw. People are dirty. This virus is annoying as hell. Can it just go away already? I’ve been staying home like I’m supposed to, I’ve been sneezing into my elbow {frickin’ gross, and even grosser {is that a word?} is watching someone else do it}. I have used hand sanitizer by the buckets. That shit is like gold right now – it is so hard to find in the stores and it is ridiculously overpriced online. I have started making my own hand sanitizer. But most importantly I have been washing my hands. A lot. So much in fact that even my knuckles feel like the toughest grit sandpaper. Here’s the thing. I am SO over this bullshit and so I’m going to need you need to cooperate too. I have a question for you…do you wash your hands as often as you should?

Please wash your hands!

Wash your hands

For the love of God…I beg of you…wash your damned hands. Use hand sanitizer. Most of all use common sense! I have learned that most people simply don’t have it. Case in point {and this is just one}. A trip to the grocery store a couple of weeks ago.

The six foot rule

The blue tape was on the floor, every six feet, leading up to the checkout stand. There was a couple at the register, a dude in front of me, and I was behind him on the third strip of blue tape. The dude in front of me was so restless, and ironically enough is the one who was lacking common sense. It was like he had ants in his pants. He and his cart were all the way in front of the line and before the people at the register were even done checking out he managed to shimmy his way up to the conveyor belt and was unloading his crap. I’m sure the expression on my face said it all {it said, “Dude, just wait a damn minute!”}. I can’t take the stupidity any more. Wash your hands bitches, so we can get this ridiculousness over with! If you feel a little foolish singing the Happy Birthday song over and over again, use this neat little tool that will help you create your own 20 second silly version of your favorite song. You can use it to wash your hands (and have fun while doing it!).

You’re not the boss of me

Listen, I have played by the rules for a long time now. I have stayed home for days on end. Did you hear that? I have spent one longggg monotonous day after another at home. Why? Because I was told to stay home. I don’t like to be told what to do, so you must understand that this is a really big deal to me. I even have a supply of masks that nice people have made for my family. I am wearing masks! I’m not fond of either of the above, but I’m doing them both for mankind, and because I want to help flatten the proverbial curve {there’s a term I hope I never have to hear again in my lifetime}.  I am, however, starting to  lose my proverbial sh*t. So…please wash your hands bitches.

wash your hands with soap

Wash, rinse, repeat

Sure at first it seemed like staying at home would be okay. I was all fired up to get some things done around the house. I was really productive the first couple of weeks {mostly out of sheer boredom}. I organized the hell out of a couple of hall closets. I NEVER would have given them so much time or attention normally. I have to admit though, my closets are pretty badass. I bought these amazing little hooks online and everything now has a place on a hook. Exciting stuff, huh?

I’ve done some gardening, lots of cleaning, lots of muttering profanities. Every day, I do more gardening, cleaning, and oh yeah, cooking. Wash, rinse and repeat. I.AM.BORED.OUT.OF.MY.MIND.  Can we please reopen the universe now?

Please wash your hands.


Think twice before calling someone your BFF

Why do people feel the need to label someone “best friend” “BFF” or “Bestie”? I hate these terms with a passion, and I’ll tell you why.

I’ll admit, it feels nice when someone calls you their BFF. That is until you hear them address their other friends the same way. Wait…what? Why? Feelings can definitely get hurt over this. So much for that special feeling of being somebody’s BFF!

When you call someone your best friend, you are telling that person that you have other friends too, but none as special as him or her. It means something {or it should at least}.

don't call friends BFF

I have run into this several times recently and I get more and more annoyed each time. I tend to not call people my BFF, best friend, bestie or boo. Many friends are fair weather friends, so I try to keep my friends as just that…friends. Sure, I enjoy the company of some of them more than others, but they are all very dear to me.

I became close with a newer friend a couple of years ago, and it kind of made me happy when she said casually that I was her BFF. We enjoy each other so much. We “get” each other and have revealed personal secrets, we have laughed hysterically, and I can be myself around her. Imagine my surprise when she said on a Facebook post, that her BFF sent her flowers for her birthday! There was a photo of the flowers in her office and she was all smiles. They were lovely, but I didn’t send them. Hmmm, did she think I sent them? No, she has several BFFs apparently. I wish I had known that sooner. It isn’t a huge deal or deal breaker for me, but it does sting a little.

I have two other friends, both of whom I became quite close with over the years. One moved away, and the other friend and I hung out a lot. We had so much fun together, and although I knew I wasn’t her “bestie”, I knew I was special. Flip forward a couple of years and now the other two friends are “besties”. This is all fine with me, BUT when the three of us are out together, I think it’s rude when one of them introduces the other to someone, and calls her “bestie”. So I sit there feeling a bit stupid, frankly, as I am introduced as “my other friend”. Wow. Do they not know that this is hurtful and embarrassing? And using the term every now and them…okay, but it is all of the time, and it is just tiresome. I don’t get why their spouses don’t speak up when they witness this, and say to their wives privately, “Hey, you know that is kind of rude, since you were also close with _____”.

Don’t throw these words around…just don’t. Why can’t we just all be “friends”. Inside, you might prefer one friend over another, but keep that to yourself! Just enjoy your friends!!

All of the names that indicate someone is a BFF, just makes my skin crawl these days.

Oh, and it’s kind of juvenile too, especially for our age group.

Rant over!

Wow…after re-reading this, I sound more jealous than anything else. I’m really not – it’s the principle of the damn thing {and I am BIG on principle}.

Unruly kids and oblivious Parents

You know the type of parent that is completely oblivious when their kids are unruly, running amok, annoying other people, and are even possibly in danger?

They are great actors

I have no patience for those that make a habit out of ignoring their children. These same people usually assume that other people will watch out for their kids. And it’s kind of true I suppose…at least for me (when the child is doing something potentially dangerous – I can’t NOT keep an eye on him/her). But back to my point…

Unruly Children

They run.
They jump.
They scream.
They yell.

Which makes me want to scream and yell, and smack their parents upside the head.

In stores, they dart back and forth in front of my shopping cart. I cannot move. What I really want to do is “accidentally” run them over with my cart, but hey, it’s really not their fault. The fault lies with the mother (or father…but usually’s it is mom). I glance around trying to locate a parent, and I cannot locate one immediately upon further scanning, I spy with my little eye, someone who jut has to be the parent. This person is clear across in the produce section, nowhere near their child, and acting as if the child did not walk in the store with her and he/she does not belong to her.

The oblivious parent(s)

I will never understand how a parent can not only ignore what their children are doing, but that they don’t give two shits if their kids are bothering other people. I was always cognitive of this when my own were little. Hell, I figured if they were driving me insane, then they were DEFINITELY driving others inside. Not cool at all, so I quashed that behavior as soon as it began (or even before). Don’t even get me started on how easy it would be for a bad person to snatch these same kids up and take them. Although I’m sure they would be returned rather quickly. You chose to have children, so be fair to them, and keep an eagle eye on them.

Sure, shopping is a lot easier without the kids, but you CHOSE to bring your kids, so dammit, watch them! Christ.

unruly child

While pondering life’s many mysteries at a bus stop the other day (don’t judge), I witnessed a little boy, who was about 3 I guess. He also had a younger sibling in a nearby stroller. There was a huge fountain with a base full of water, and the little boy was leaning over the base, jumping on and off it and generally just making me nervous.

What was his mother doing? She had her back turned, and she was talking on her phone. Now call me silly, but you don’t take your eyes off of your kids at any time, but to have your back turned too, near water? I sat there dumbfounded, wanting to call the mother every name in the book: Bitch, Dumbass, Dingaling, A-hole, Moron, etc.

It always puts me in an awkward position when I see unattended kids. Do I say something? Well, shit, I don’t want to see any child hurt of course, but dammit, I have raised my kids and it isn’t my responsibility to carefully watch other people’s kids. My bus finally arrived and I assume that the kid was okay, but my blood was boiling.

I was in Michael’s a few weeks ago, and there was a little one, about 1 1/2 or 2, kind of standing/teetering in the front section of the cart. My first thought was, “Oh God, that child is going to fall out”. Now me personally, when my kids were little, I would have been holding their hand even when they were in the cart, as I looked at stuff. Before I even had a chance to catch my breath after witnessing this, the little one fell out of the cart, HARD, and hit his/her head on the floor and screamed bloody murder. You know what? I’ll bet the mother didn’t learn a damn thing from this. I imagine she STILL doesn’t pay attention to her kid at the store.

What the hell is wrong with people?!?! People – parent your kids!

Telemarketers Suck

I hate our landline. I would get rid of it if it weren’t for Brinks requiring it for our alarm system. Whenever the phone rings, I scream profanities, because I know it is nobody I want to talk to. Because of my husband’s job though, we have to leave the volume on in case anyone needs him 24/7. GAG.

Now I rarely answer the damn thing, but my curiosity got the better of me. Who was calling me from this phone number? I shouldn’t post it here I suppose. Whatever. So anyway, (cough) 707-200-7673 (cough) has been bugging the hell out of me. They call I was feeling especially saucy the other day and decided to answer the phone when I saw their number on the caller ID. What the hell was I thinking? I know what I was thinking (and this is why I try not to think anymore than is absolutely necessary). I thought that I would just tell the fella’ to put me on his “Do Not Call” list. That sounds simple enough, right?

Put me on your “do not call” list

I’ve heard that the minute you say the words “put me on your do not call list” to a telemarketer, or anyone who calls you unsolicited, that they are supposed to immediately stop talking and say that they will. BAM DONE. Every single time that I have asked to be put on this list in the past when a telemarketer has called me, they immediately stop talking and say, “okay ma’am” {why do they have to ruin a good thing by calling me “ma’am”? It makes me feel really old}. They can actually call me whatever they want as long as they are doing it while on their way to putting me on that “do not call” list as quickly as humanly possible.

Where was I. Oh yeah. The idiot who called me.

telemarketer,solar company,harrassment,do-not-call-list

Him: {after determining that I lived here}, “Let me start off by saying that I am not selling anything”.
Me: Uh huh.
Him: Do you know how much your energy costs? There is a way to lower your ene…
Me: Please put me on your do-not-call list
Him: blah blah blah blah
Me: Put me on your do-not-call-list
Him: Still blathering on and on

At this point we were just yelling at each other. I was getting pissed because they aren’t supposed to continue after you request this. But he did. Oh how he did.

Me: Put me on your damned do-not-call list, pretty please, with fucking sugar on top.
Him: I will put you on our do-not-call list, but first I am going to ask you a couple of questions. So your ener…
Me: You NEED to put me on your list!!
Him: I don’t NEED to do anything!

And I hung up.


I tried to go on the FTC website to update my information for the National Do-Not-Call Registry but of course the whole fucking government is shut down currently, so yeah, no, I couldn’t do that.

Fuck me.

Have you encountered a douche-bag telemarketer? Any good ideas to get rid of them?